Ah, what price beauty? Apparently it is quite expensive. As Elizabeth Bathory would tell you it’s worth killing and bathing in virgin blood for. While we have never bathed in virgin blood or even had the new vampire facial we can admit that we have done some dumb shit in the name of beauty.

Want brighter, firmer skin with a JLo glow? Sure, sign me up! The high price tag means it’s working? OK!! None of it worked for us, so maybe we’re too poor. Maybe these age defiant products need to be age CONQUERORS who plant their flags in our faces and don’t back down in the face of reality and time!

Sperm de la Unicorn, sadly, does not really exist. While we trademark the name in the high hopes that someone will ask us for some, check out other treatments that sounds just as crazy.

How about shelling out $180 dollars for a bird poop facial? Yes, you read that right. A facial with nightingale droppings mixed with rice bran sounds awesome! I can say I have had a free version of this treatment when I walked through the park a few weeks ago. I can also say that I definitely wouldn’t pay $180 for the designer version.

If you go for the cheap version and wait outside in your garden, wishing for a bird to see your face as a toilet target, maybe you can hunt around for snails as another facial option. The snail mucus facial is even more expensive at $243.