It’s my party and You’ll pay if I want you to
It’s my party & You’ll pay if I want you to
Friends, it’s so wonderful to have great friends. They are there for you for the good times, the bad times. They might even be by your side forever more, or something.
True friendship can be hard to come by. Apparently, it is damn near impossible to make new friends after 30. In this age of social media. it seems easier than ever to rack up pseudo friendships like points in an online game.
A friend is a gift you give yourself
One of the phenomena of these less than real friendships is something that really chaps Asha’s ass. She likes to call it the “I’m not really friends with you and we don’t really speak but I would like to invite you to this event so you can give me lots of gifts.”
There is nothing wrong with celebrating the events in your life. Hey, if you don’t celebrate you who else will. With a genuine relationship, it is not a problem to ask for presents to celebrate the occasion. However, if we met five years ago, and haven’t seen/spoken to each other since then (outside of Facebook,) I probably shouldn’t be getting an invite to your wedding/bar/bat mitzvah/christening/ birthday party/engagement dinner/baby shower, etc.
Asha had this happen to her quite a few times. In her naiveté, she would attend these events, foolishly thinking that her gifts could help solidify the ephemeral “friendship”, but alas, it was never to be.
Rules of etiquette
“I am worn out with civility.”
– Jane Austen, Mansfield Park
According to Monette’s mom, and possibly Emily Post, you are supposed to give a gift if you are invited to an event whether you attend or not. I would like to argue that Emily Post did not have to deal with the ease of invitations in the Internet age. Paperless Post, Evite, and other services have made it stupidly easy to invite every Tom, Dick and What’s-his-name to your party. Gone are the days of thoughtful invites, fine stationary, calligraphy, and having to pay postage.
So we StaleCake-ians are asking you, yes you, future event thrower: Think carefully about whom you invite to your events. Are you inviting friends that you genuinely care about? Will they feel like mere seat-fillers at your party?
Use your empathy, sympathy, and do the right thing: Just don’t invite them.
Ah Monette, after all these years it becomes clear how you mysteriously ‘lost’ the invitation to our wedding. Though to be clear, we would’ve been happy had you shown up with no gift at all besides your sweet smiling face… After all, the Privileges Kids Table (which may or may not have been the “Lovely Ladies of Library Privileges” table in my head…) was certainly not the same without you. 😉
Ha! I should have gone to your wedding! Was “losing the invitation” my excuse? If so, younger-me was super lame. I would have happily brought a gift for you and Drea 🙂
“Lovely Ladies of Library Privileges” sounds like a slightly scandalous calendar. Was Dave not able to make it? How about that French guy who looked like a grown up version of the Little Prince?
I have no doubt, if you were in charge of the project, that the Lovely Ladies of Library Privileges Calendar would have been *at least* slightly scandalous, and probably more than slightly. 🙂
I think Dave said he’d come then changed his mind. The Little Prince was not invited. The one boy who worked for me at my new job was at the table with the privileges ladies, and caused quite a stir when they found out who he was… until they determined I had inherited him, not hired him, to the surprise of… no one. 🙂