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The Invasion of Furnando, the Cat

The Invasion of Furnando , the Cat

Internet: The Cat’s Meow

Dogs may be man’s best friend, but on the interwebs it’s clear that cats rule and dogs drool! To honor the internet’s love of cats, we are featuring our own resident Stale Cake cat, Furnanado, in some of our past comics. You may remember seeing Furnando in Sumptuous Staycations, (but you may not because we know sometimes you guys skip over our greatness). Since you guys love cats so damn much, does Furnando make these comics better?

All Hail Grumpy Cat

While it may be up in the air about whether you like Furnanado, it is clear that there are other cats that have ridden the net to fame and fortune. The biggest of them all being the seemingly ubiquitous Grumpy Cat. Grumpy Cat, aka Tardar Souce (Tard), was sired on April 12, 2012. Since that time, Tard has been able to amass a multimedia empire built on sheer cute grumpiness.

– via http://cdn.grumpycats.com/

Grumpy Cat has recently added feature film to its empire. That’s right! This Christmas Grumpy Cat will be coming to a television near you to spread ~~joy~~ grump to the world. It is

Maybe Cat People Are Just A little Crazy

It is clear that cats rule the internet but why? If dogs are so popular off the net why can’t they seem to hold a candle to cats on the net? According to this article, there are several good reasons for the abundance of cat love on the internet. Perhaps we are drawn to their “their big eyes, smallish noses, and dome-shaped heads trigger the evolutionary nurturing instincts that we have evolved toward babies”, and “reserved and withholding personalities naturally seduce us into paying closer attention to them.”

But our favorite theory is that the internet is a virtual cat park that cat enthusiasts can use to spread their love and affection. In real life, dog lovers have plenty of social outlets with which to share their dogs with the world. Cat lovers don’t have a safe outside environment for cats so the internet acts as a proxy.

Another benefit for cat owners and lovers? Virtual cats do what they’re told. It’s hard to find a real life cat that does that.

Baby Bjorn Beard

Attack of the Hipster Yeti!

This webcomic that ended up being about hipsterish dads came out of two words. Hipster. Yeti. We didn’t know what a hipster yeti would be but Monette took the term and let her imagination run wild. The result is the image you see above. Asha envisioned a yeti in hipster clothing and a superior, smug attitude. It brings us to an important topic that seems to be dear to many hipster dudes, the hipster beard.

– via Mr. Incredibeard at http://mrincredibeard.wordpress.com/

So what the hell is a hipster beard?

According to this WiseGeek article:

The hipster beard is a facial hairstyle that achieved popularity among the hipster subculture in late 2005 and early 2006. These beards can take a number of different forms, but, like most hipster fashion, they blur the line between an ironic celebration of unattractiveness and an attempt to impress by looking good. Within a few years of their introduction, hipster beards were already the target of a massive backlash, regarded by many as symptomatic of pretension.

We Stalecake-ians are not sure how to feel about ironic facial hair. Asha personally thinks hipster beards are pretty fugly.

I’m not only a client, I’m the President

So what happens when you are not blessed with the genetics to grow an awesome lush hipster beard? Do you sit in a corner and cry, cursing the Gods for your misfortune? You can fake it until you make it with hipster beard implants. That’s right hipster beard envy has spawned a market for a hair club for men for your face. The procedure costs anywhere from $3,000 to $7,000 for your own set of faux face pubes.

Et tu, Hipster…

Apparently, all good things must come to an end and it is seemingly the end of an era for the hipster beard. While it is reported that the hipster beard came into existence in approximately 2005, its reign in obscure and pop culture may be coming to an end. According to Facial hair researchers (apparently they are a real thing), the hipster beard boom is bound to go the way of the Roman Empire. There is a phenomenon that occurs in the facial hair world as it gets to be more popular. Popularity tends to make the beards less desirable to the masses, very hipster indeed.

baby-bjorn-beard

Fingerlickin’ Franken Food

Fingerlickin’ Franken-Food

Food Glorious Food!

Our society seems to have a bit of a food fixation. We use it to unify and bring people together. We use it to comfort ourselves when we are smarting from a broken heart. We love food so much that collectively our waistlines are expanding. God, food is so freaking delicious!

In a recent article, Salon.com highlighted some of the reasons for our burgeoning waistlines:

Antibiotics in Food
Fatteners in Meat
Pesticides and Endocrine Disruptors
Sugar substitutes

Monsanto and the Government Sitting in a Tree…..

So you would think that the government would be up in arms with a nation of people getting fatter and fatter and the potential complications and strains it can cause. It always seems like the government is talking out both sides of its neck when it comes to issue like health, nutrition and fitness. There are programs like Lets move! designed to fight childhood obesity. On the other side it appears that our government is in co-hoots with companies like Monsanto, who seems hell-bent on controlling and poisoning a large portion of our food supply.

Hello Dolly!

In 1996 a star was born, and her name was Dolly the first cloned sheep. Fast forward to 2008, when the FDA approved cloned meat for human consumption, the masses freaked out. Cloned meat may or may not be on our supermarket shelves, but beware we still have Frankenfish.

The tsunami triggered Fukushima nuclear disaster may have occurred in 2011 but the effects are still being felt today. Recent testing revealed that fish had extremely high concentrations of radiation and there was fear of the fish contamination reaching America’s shores. Eating radiation-poisoned fish can’t be good for you but eating farmed raised fish will kill you too, you can’t win.

So what can you do when you need to eat food but don’t know what to eat? The solution may be looking closer to home. Returning to a time when you knew where your food came from and how it was prepared. Buy local as often as possible, read labels and trust no one. We Stalecake-ians are with you! Eat well friends.

flying-chicken-wings

Shake, Rattle, & Roll

What does your glass look like? Is it half-empty? Or half-full with life’s lemons that you have ingeniously made into lemonade. How you see situations and yourself can have a profound impact on how you view the world.

Optimism vs. Pessimism

Current times can make it hard to view the world with rose-colored glasses. If you live life long enough, that rose-colored tint can begin to fade and tarnish. Tumbling into a pessimistic view of the world can be an easy default as you age and when things in life don’t go according to plan. It can be hard to see beauty in the day to day when everything looks so hopeless.

On the other hand, blind optimism is not the answer either. Ignorance may be bliss but it can also lead to pain. Refusing to see the ugly and the bad in many ways is just as bad as wallowing in it.

An optimist may see a light where there is none, but why must the pessimist always run to blow it out?

MICHEL DE SAINT-PIERRE, quoted in Wisdom for the Soul

Maybe stop worrying about what is or isn’t in the glass, and just enjoy the drink

It’s hard not to take in life’s stimuli and not get a little jaded, the trick may be trying to balance the good with the bad, the optimism with a little bit of pessimism. According to this article, there are some benefits to trying to achieve a balance.

This could be why so many are turning to mindfulness and adopting the discipline into their lives. Teachers like Thich Nhat Hanh, often talk about the power of mindfulness: taking in life’s moments as they come and pushing other thoughts and clutter away to focus on the here and now. It is a beautiful sentiment that sometimes doesn’t jibe well in Western society, which is focused on always being on the go and multi-tasking. However trying to achieve mindfulness in increments can help.

In the midst of natural disasters in can be crucial to experience optimism, pessimism, and mindfulness if you are going to weather the storm. As a west coast resident, Monette knows this first hand. With earthquakes being a common occurrence it’s imperative to not get too freaked out and take the rumbles and shaking in stride.

The government is often whom we turn to in times of natural disaster and crisis. That’s why it is nice to know that while they are sometimes a little slow to react to natural disasters they’ve got unnatural disasters covered. The CDC may not have a good plan for MERS but they do have a great guide for helping you prepare for the imminent zombie apocalypse. Yup folks, our tax dollars truly are hard at work.

Eye on the Sparrow

Happy! Mad. Maybe a little sad. Don’t say it with words, say it with a selfie. In a world of increased pointless over sharing (and let’s face it narcissism,) the selfie has become a key method of visual communication. The explosion of Instagram and the ease of taking pictures with your phone have (un)fortunately made the it easier than ever to share your puss with the world.

“Selfie” is no longer just internet slang, after its recent induction by Miriam Webster in the dictionary it is officially a real word. While this move may add some legitimacy to an “art form” that continues to gain momentum, some are wondering when will it end. Songs like the ChainSmokers’ YouTube sensation, #Selfie, poke fun at selfie-taking and how ridiculous it can be. In the age of the selfie, we’re not sure whether to laugh or cry.

It may seem like the taking selfies is all fun and games, but there is a dark side with very serious fallouts ranging from silly to quite serious. We will explore silly selfie phenomena in our poll at the bottom (take it or we will start posting pictures of our sparrow faces – the sequel to the dreaded duck face! Believe us, they will haunt you!)

The selfie may be just starting to spiral out of control with people “dying” to achieve the perfect picture. Teen Danny Bowman nearly killed himself over the need to take a great selfie. Topping out at taking 200 selfies a day searching for the ‘perfect’ pic, he became suicidal when elusive perfection could not be achieved.

We Stalecake-ians know why it can be so hard to achieve that “perfect” selfie. Apparently, your brain has a lot to do with how you interpret your selfie image. It can be why a perfectly fine selfie that would look weird to the pic taker might look absolutely fine to someone else. According to this article:

Whether or not a selfie is reversed after being shot is a major factor. If you’ve used multiple mobile apps to take pictures of yourself, you’ve probably noticed that some, like Snapchat, record your likeness as it would appear in a mirror; others, like group-messaging app GroupMe, flip the image horizontally and save your selfie the way others would see you—and this version can be jarring to look at.

Beyond the mirror version, we are also more likely to recognize the most attractive version of ourselves. It’s almost comforting that EVERYONE is a little vain.

Trolling for Hitler

Social Media is amazing. You can connect with friends and strangers hundreds of miles away. You can become a part of (un)important conversations, and pump your ideas into the interwebs.

As awesome as social media can be it’s not all kumbaya, hearts, and flowers. Ideally it’s a nurturing, supportive environment where people can come together for the common good. Many online forums are places of lively debate, but those debates often take a sinister turn. What is the cause of this dark cloud on the net, raining on everyone’s parade? Internet trolls.

So what is an internet troll?

In Internet slang, a “troll” is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people, by posting inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community (such as a forum, chat room, or blog) with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.

This sense of the word “troll” and its associated verb “trolling” are associated with Internet discourse, but have been used more widely. Media attention in recent years has equated trolling with online harassment.

The Shoot Trolls Don’t They?

It has often been said that internet trolls are disturbed, there is now a study that backs it up. According to a study conducted by researchers at University of Manitoba, people who troll on the internet are pretty fucked up in real life.

The study shows that trolls’ personalities fall into a Dark Tetrad: Machiavellianism, narcissism, psychopathy, and sadism. Yikes!

There are a lot of tools in a troll’s arsenal and racism seems to be a favorite. There’s nothing like browsing the comments section on almost any website to see just how far we have come in this “post-racial” society. Even if you don’t feed the trolls, the sting of the words can often still resonate.

Some like to dismiss Internet racism, claiming it’s less harmful because it is said in a virtual atmosphere. We Stalecake-ians beg to differ. Internet racism in some ways is worse because anonymity of the internet seems to bring out the worst in some people. You don’t have to be Donald Sterling to know that a little anonymity can go a long way if you have racist views.

Godwin’s law

Take a look at a message board to see how internet anonymity can bring out oblivious anger in people.

Godwin’s law (or Godwin’s Rule of Nazi Analogies) is an Internet adage asserting that “As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1” – that is, if an online discussion (regardless of topic or scope) goes on long enough, sooner or later someone will compare someone or something to Hitler or Nazism.

These angry commenters frequently haven’t even bothered to read the article in question, but they impatiently demand to be heard.

Contrary to our comic, please do NOT adhere to Godwin’s law when you are online (especially if you are commenting here!) You are more likely to be heard, but not listened to. Much like the mythological creatures that they are named after, internet trolls are dumbasses.

Hot Pockets

The human body is an amazing machine, filled with complex inner workings and systems. We Stalecake-ians think that although the human body is really amazing it’s missing one crucial thing, easily accessible storage compartments. Why do marsupials get to have all the fun?

Enter the Joey bra! According to the designers, these bras are named after baby kangaroos and allow “women to finally ditch the purse and opt for freedom. JoeyBra, a sexy pocketed bra, offers two discreet pockets on the sides of the bra. While maintaining a low-profile and without changing the shape or fit of the bra, our pockets can carry a phone, ID & credit card, and a key.”

But some bra makers and wearers are not interested in discretion. Lululemon created a “Stuff Your Bra Tank” with a design that was as straightforward as its name.These are for women on the go – who don’t care if you are staring at their chests when talking to them. Maybe they prefer knowing that you are looking at their bulging phone instead of their bulging breasts.(This is the first time we’ve seen tissue stuffed into a bra that wasn’t acting as filler.)

Don’t want to buy fancy bras with pockets? Or bother with making your own? (See the Instructables Bra Bag) A regular bra and cleavage may do in a pinch. Enough women are using bra straps to hold up their cell phones, that there are fears of getting breast cancer from them. There aren’t enough studies to say if it is safe or not, though some cell phone makers say phones should be kept at least half an inch away from your skin.

Of course, there are other areas on the human body that can hold important things – for women and men. Private and safe? Yes. Convenient? Hardly. Dangerous drug mule associations? Yes.

Maybe we’ll stick with the pocket bras.

hot-pockets

You are literally reading this right now

It is pretty well known that the English language is hard to learn. Have you heard some of our native speakers butcher the language? The rules of the language are not consistent and it is not always easily understood why or when those rules are violated. It also doesn’t help when words change in meaning.

In 2013, the official meaning of “literally”, a word that many have been misusing, became good friends with its adversary, “figuratively” and then single-white-femaled it. When we Stalecake-ians first heard the news we went Amy Winehouse and declared “what kind of fuckery is this?”

In order to break down why this is so freaking crazy we must first start at the very beginning. Since many didn’t know what literally originally meant, we would like to jog your memory:

Definition of LITERALLY from a 1940’s dictionary:
1. According to the primary and natural import of the words; not figuratively; < a man and his wife cannot be literally one flesh >
2. With close adherence to words; word by word; < to quote a writer literally >

This seems like a simple easy definition to grasp, but people couldn’t leave it alone. It seems this definition change was a long time in the making. Misuse of the word “literally” can be traced back to the 1820’s. The article notes that in 1894 Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote that Sherlock’s room “was literally ankle-deep with congratulatory telegrams.” While we could believe Benedict Cumberbatch would have this problem, we’re not sure Doyle meant it in the traditional sense.

People tend to talk in extremes, so we have begrudgingly accepted this new-and-not-so-improved version of “literally”. After all, when people tell us they are “starving” as we wait in line for pie, we don’t even blink. But if your eye twitches every time you hear or see “literally”, Google Chrome has an extension for you that replaces every instance of “literal” with “figurative”.

“Literally” is not the only word that is commonly butchered. Here are others: http://www.copyblogger.com/commonly-misused-words/. Monette admits that she probably misuses many words on this list. Asha’s favorite misused word is “irregardless”- it’s worse because it is not even a real word. If you use this word, she will think you’re an imbecile REGARDLESS of how many degrees you have.

Let’s all go to the movies

Let’s all go to the Movies!

There are certain films that have made a huge, lasting impact on pop culture and our collective consciousness. They may range in genre or decade but have been able to last the test of time. Star Wars is one of these films. Since its first screening in the late 70’s, the film has had a lasting, pervasive impact on pop culture. Asha happens to have the distinction of never having seen Star Wars Episodes 4, 5, and 6. This is not something she readily admits. When she does, she is often met with shock and disbelief. She has, however, seen the Ewok Adventure, and Star Wars Episode 1; which is why she declines to watch any more episodes.

Although Asha has never seen Star Wars, she knows a lot about the film, characters, plot and subsequent mythology through pop culture. She is not alone in her preternatural Star Wars knowledge.

Listen to a Star Wars virgin talk about what she thinks happens in the series.

Lists of required classic films varies depending on whom you talk to. The subjectivity of film leads to tons of variety and we think this is part of the fun. We Stalecake-ians have decided to throw our hat in the ring and compile our own short list of must see films (we realize that our list is very 80’s heavy, we’re 80’s kids so this makes sense.)

The Princess Bride
The Neverending Story
The Goonies
Shawshank Redemption
Die Hard
Stand by Me (if only to reminisce about that projectile vomiting scene every time you think about pie-eating contests)
Star Wars (Episodes 4, 5, 6)**

**This is obviously, strictly Monette’s choice.

Troll stands head and shoulders above Troll 2

Usually the distinction of being a pop-culture classic is not just reserved for good films. There are some cinematic stinkers that are classics in their own right because of their sheer level of awfulness. Asha’s favorite classically awful film is Troll 2. This gets Asha’s award for the worst film ever made, although some would argue that distinction is reserved for the film, the Room.

What makes Troll 2 so bad? Well, let’s rewind to the cinematic magic that was Troll. Troll was awesome! The movie stars The Neverending Story’s Atreyu as Harry Potter, Jr. (clearly J.K. Rowling loves this movie as much as Asha does) as a boy who moves into a new apartment building with his slightly weird family. Things take a turn for the worse when a troll pretends to be his sister and wreaks havoc on all of the occupants (including Sonny Bono) of the apartment building. It has a solid story, decent 80’s effects, and a great troll singing soundtrack. Troll 2, has none of the great things from the first movie, it’s so low budget that it doesn’t even really have trolls (you can visibly see the masks.) It does have horrible acting, putrid dialogue, no special effects barring excessive green Jell-O. Asha often wonders, did the makers of the second film even see the first one? Needless to say, Troll 2 is a must see because it is so goddamn awful.

I don’t care how many awards it got!

Do we really like universally revered films because they’re good movies or because we feel societal pressure to say that we do? Asha readily admits that while Casablanca is considered to be a classic she has never really loved the film and preferred other Bogart classics like The Big Sleep instead. Monette admits that it took more than one viewing to cotton to the cinematic masterpiece Citizen Kane. It is easy to fall into the mindset that because others think something is great it must be. We Stalecake-ians advise you to watch with a discerning eye and make up your own mind and list of what constitutes a good or bad film. The world has enough lemmings.

What did we miss? Tell us some of your favorites movies both good and bad alike!

I want your sex

Embattled singer R. Kelly famously saw nothing wrong with a little “Bump n’ Grind”. It’s probably what got him into so much trouble. Limp Bizkit, once upon a time, did it all for the “Nookie.” Miley Cyrus probably does it while sticking out her infamous tongue. Sex, it’s all around us. If you trust the media it appears everyone is having hot sex and for the right price (or on Redtube) you can watch it.

However, in current times, people seemingly enjoy their technology more than sex. Asha witnessed this recently with her own eyes. At a St.Patty’s Day dinner, she looked over at a couple sitting near her. The couple, apparently on a bad date, were barely talking to each other and the man was so over it he decided he would rather be on the phone playing solitaire. That example may be an extreme case of technology over real interactions but it’s becoming more and more commonplace.

Hey, its not just the common man, even celebrities do it. Check out Jared Leto – via Old Loves

C-c-c-c-come on

A study commissioned by The Huffington Post and magazine Real Simple revealed that nearly half of all women would rather go without sex for a month than be without their cell phone for the same duration.

Maybe these women have been having bad sex, or more than likely are addicted to their technology. Huffington Post did a follow-up article which further revealed things that are better than sex. Here are the top 5:

Sleep
Cellphones
Compliments
Bacon
Food, in general

Urban legend: Blackout Baby Boom

While Monette has been living it up on the West Coast, Asha has been in a never-ending winter hell on the East Coast. [Editor’s note: we just had an earthquake out here, but I’ll concede that the 5 second rumblings won’t produce a generation of Earthquake babies.] It’s cold, it’s dark, and you can’t distract yourself with TV or internet. Even if Snopes.com debunked the blackout baby legend, we still imagined a crop of Internet-crash babies sprouting 9 months from now. We also imagined that these babies will probably implant themselves with internet transmitters powered by their own heartbeats just to avoid the horrors of being virtually disconnected.

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